Feeling Free!

There are times when life feels so overwhelming, when your mind and body are holding so much, and when everything seems to accumulate in your energy to the point where you just feel topped off. Your self-confidence may feel shaken, you have some memories from the past resurface, and a part of you may feel like you're not doing enough, or maybe even a bad person. I know for myself, there have been times in the past when I have felt this way. Along my own journey, especially in my mid-late teens, I have had many experiences that have shaken my essence to the point where I felt incredibly lost. I got stuck in a loop of negative thinking, I didn't recognize that some of the people I was surrounding myself with were unhealthy for me, and I had no idea where to begin creating a positive life for myself. One question that was always on my mind in one way or another was: "How do I begin to thrive instead of just survive?"

Feeling liberated, free to move through life unencumbered, and happy with who I am was and is a meaningful journey for me. It didn't happen overnight and there was no shortcut or magic pill that made my negative thinking and problems disappear. It took a change in my thinking, showing up for myself in a different way, and learning how to carve a path forward that I had never seen done before. Speaking from personal experience, it is possible and you can do this! While there are dedicated, qualified therapists who help others, wellness facilitators, cheerleading friends, and those who want to see you succeed, only you can decide if you want to change your life. This is something that I had to come to terms with, and quite honestly, that was hard for me in the beginning.

A part of me felt like my lot had already been predetermined and there was no moving forward in a successful manner - that maybe happiness was reserved for those chosen few. My home life had been nothing but chaos for me, and I had been exposed to primarily negative thinking. If that's all one knows, that's what repeats until he or she decides to change the program. But how am I supposed to change the program if it's the only one I know? There was a quote that has left a major impression on me throughout this life: "There's no prince on a white horse that's coming to save you. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk." While there are different variations to this quote, the point to me is the same. I needed to take responsibility for myself and learn to move through life empowered. I needed to change my victim-mindset into a victory-mindset! Here's how I did it:

• I allow myself to feel all of my emotions - not just a select few. Growing up, my experience was that my parents and other adults were evidently allowed to display as many emotions in the spectrum they allowed themselves, while I was trained to only exhibit certain ones. Being a "good girl" or "good boy" can feel costly to the nervous system, because it means that you're always on display and overly analyzing every single emotion and how you mask yourself throughout life. While social skills are foundational to human interaction, I have now learnt that if a room requires me to abandon myself, that room isn't for me.

• I stopped viewing myself as a victim. Interestingly enough if you would have met me back then, I actually would not have classified myself as a victim. On the contrary, I thought of myself as a strong, capable survivor. However, after careful self-reflection I realized that I was showing up as a victim of my past circumstances, telling myself a story. Ask yourself: What story am I telling myself? You could journal this out and see how your day-to-day reflects your thinking. You can also journal your past relationships, friendships, and childhood to see if there is a common theme of a victim-mindset. At any rate, instead of using my past to excuse my behavior and limit my success, I began to see my past as a massive stepping-stone that could catapult me. I cannot stress enough how reshaping the story of your past helps to reshape your future. If you'd like to learn more about this, please feel free to reach out to me.

• I began seeing triggers and challenges as opportunities for growth, instead of thinking that other people and life were against me. Being raised in a household where it was a "me vs. you" thinking, I didn't realize that was the lens I was seeing life through. There are times when a person is growing up in an environment that breeds paranoia, skepticism, and a defensive and divisive mindset. This is a shame because our natural state of being is to connect, to take care of each other's hearts, and to feel safe. Everyone wants to feel loved, appreciated, seen, and heard. To get back to my natural state of being, I opted to heal instead of bleed my pain onto others. This is a journey, and if you decide to do it, be patient with yourself as you learn and fumble forward. While it doesn't mean that you will be perfect at it, it does mean that you begin to see your triggers in such a way as to work with them instead of being led to react and regret.

  • Here's how: If you can entertain the thought that every time you are triggered, there is pain (energy) trapped inside of your nervous system, your chakras, and meridian points. Triggers are meant to shine a light into pain that was left unhealed. These are areas that one has not resolved from the past. When I'm triggered, there are a wide array of emotions that want to surface. Can you identify what emotions arise when you feel triggered or challenged? Whether you feel anger, frustration, wanting to fight back, wanting to shrink yourself, run, or freeze, this is your body's way of responding when you feel triggered.

    Instead, you might try making friends with the trigger, feeling the emotions rise without reacting, having internal curiosity as you feel it happen, and search for what is underlying. When you are triggered, try to remember this: Anger covers Fear, and Fear covers Sadness. Every time I feel anger, fear, and frustration rising, there is sadness underneath. Can you find yours when this happens without placing it on another person? This can feel challenging, but it is absolutely doable, and I view it as a kind of game to play with myself.

• How to Reclaim Your Power - While there are multiple paths to this, one way is to allow yourself to recognize what you've been holding on to, acknowledge it, let go, and allow yourself to move on! You cannot move forward if you are not willing to let go. What are you letting go of? That's up to you. Some things that may come up to release are guilt, shame, blame, anger at other, anger at self, regret, pain, a belief system that no longer works for you, self-doubt, feelings that you "can't do this", feeling unworthy, self-pity, entitlement, etc. For myself, some of these were at the core of me feeling stuck in life and not fully stepping into my own power. Self-reflection and honesty with myself were necessary for me to get back to my true nature. This takes time, effort, forming new habits, recognizing stories that one tells themself that actually contributes to feeling powerless and stuck, and forgiveness. Is it worth it? From my personal experience it is a resounding Yes! There is a sense of freedom, connection, power, and calm when one practices self-acceptance, fumbling forward, letting go, and a victory-mindset.

If you would like to learn more, let's work together! I do distance work over the phone and Zoom where I listen to you, work together to understand your wellness goals, create a step-by-step plan with you toward yourself, support you as you overcome past-patterns in favor of new habits that actually work for you, and provide you with the support you need for change! The goal is to help you get back to you, in your own power, loving your life and living in wellness. Just click the button below and send me a message, and we can begin:

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As always, I am wishing you hope, clarity, and happiness along your journey!

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