Transforming Emotions

Emotions can feel so real, so powerful in the body, that at times in the past I have thought that I am my emotions! Growing up in a house full of anxiety, anger, fear and sadness, I had no idea that I was picking up on everyone else's emotions and absorbing them. Whether a parent or authority figure was loud or quiet, I was constantly 'scanning' to see where everyone else was at. In fact, I learned how to read the room before I knew how to read a book! If only I had someone back then to tell me what I know now.

The people you choose to be around shape your reality and the way that you see the world. That was something I wish I knew sooner, as I was surrounding myself with those that were depressed, distressed, and fixed in mindset. I, of course, had no idea that these people were emotionally stunted, as I was under the impression that it was I who was the problem. I thought that I was depressed, I thought that I was worried all the time, I thought that I was the problem ... I thought that something was wrong with me. So, at 16 years of age, I put myself in therapy. Now, what's interesting is that there's a quote that says: "People in therapy are often in therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won't go to therapy."

This being said, I embarked on a journey to "fix" myself and, after decades of self-reflection and self-work, I finally understood why I was having such a hard time. Transforming emotions begins with acknowledgement. I needed to acknowledge and take responsibility for myself, my own experience, and see where I was allowing negativity in. I took stock of those around me, my own thought process, and honestly asked myself if I really wanted to change. Can I tell you something? A part of me didn't want to change. Isn't that bizarre?! A part of me kept complaining about my life, but then when faced with the answer that I needed to change my daily habits, thought patterns, relationship to myself, and so on, I came up against my own desire to remain comfortable in the uncomfortability.

So the next step I needed to take was acknowledging that there was a part of me that was resistant to becoming a healthier version of myself. It was no one else's "fault", no one else was holding me back, no one else to blame except acknowledging that there was a part of me that: 1) either wanted to remain stuck in the comfortability of the uncomfortability, or 2) I wanted to change but I didn't know how (and option three is that I was vacillating between options 1 & 2). While a part of me had wanted to blame everyone else for being stuck, it was actually up to me to come and save myself.

Now, a part of me would have told you that "I am trying!" and "Don't you see how hard I'm trying!", and "You don't understand! Nothing I do is working! What's the point?!", or some version of this emphatic statement. And was I trying? Goodness, yes! I honestly thought I was trying as hard as I possibly could. However, there is something that I didn't know and didn't have access to in my understanding. There is a difference between thinking I'm trying and actually doing. Have you ever heard Yoda say: "Do or do not, there is no try"? Yes, I needed to DO instead of going in an endless loop of "trying".

So the next step was learning how to do. I had to get out of my own way and look at where I was complaining, and then take responsibility for my part in it. I took on the role of seeing how I am a co-creator and a creator of my own life and world. If this is true, then it means that I was somehow co-creating my environment, surroundings, thoughts, triggers, feelings, emotions, and so on. I began looking for where I was making excuses for myself. This was a tough one for me in the beginning, because that meant I had no one else to blame. I took responsibility for my triggers, I began to take responsibility for when I felt offended, I looked for ways to see where I was allowing myself to project externally and brought my energy back to me. This takes practice, allowing cognitive dissonance, and patience. "Two steps forward, one step back".

In short, transforming emotions from one state to another takes time. Here are some steps that I learnt along the way that may be useful to those of you who resonate:

1) Be willing to be wrong - everyone is wrong sometimes, and that is a part of life! Being able to be wrong means that you are willing to be open-minded enough to learn, and that's what life is about! Making mistakes is not a reflection of your capability, but it is an opportunity to create better critical thinking skills, increase your credibility, and learn a new way of being.

2) Learn to observe the emotion without becoming the emotion - this is a mindfulness technique that helps you to acknowledge your feelings without judgement. Name the emotion, pay attention to where you feel the emotion in your body (or which chakra(s) it stirs up), detach and observe. As you observe the emotion without judgement, practice curiosity and explore what is happening inside of you without reacting.

• Remind yourself that "this too shall pass" and emotions are not permanent.

• Benefits of doing this mindful practice include: greater emotional self-regulation, greater clarity, an enhanced ability to self-reflect, less reactivity, and improved empathy.

3) Allow yourself to practice the pause, breathe through the emotions, and allow them to pass - in our meditation class here at NeXXus Prime, we practice many different breathing techniques. One of these is the 4-7-8 breathing technique, where you breathe in to your sacral chakra to the count of 4, hold for 7 seconds at the top, and then exhale through the mouth to a count of 8. This aims to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation.

4) Emotions are messengers and guides - Emotions are always communicating with you, trying to give you a message. Observe which emotions come up, identify which ones they are (anger, fear, sadness, overwhelm, emotional fixation [driven by fear or anger], embarrassment, vulnerability [the core of emotions], and so on), and write out what you feel the message is that they are trying to tell you.

Would you like to explore more about emotions, your chakras, and how to reset your energy? Our Energy Reset class is on Saturdays at 8am MST (10am ET) and can help guide you to better habits in self-awareness, self-regulation, and releasing what needs to be released from the chakras. Those that have signed up have noted a positive shift in energy, greater internal awareness, and have learnt how to create a schemata to gain deeper insight into the subconscious mind! Want to give it a try? Click on the link below to reach out and our support team can help you to sign up for your first class!

ENERGY RESET

Image credit to Mark Harpur