How to Let Go

Along my journey at university, one of my favorite courses involved discussing the Buddhist way of letting go and practicing non-attachment. In my own personal life, there have been many moments where it has felt difficult to let go of ideas, beliefs, people, and things. Hearing the sentence: "Non-attachment is not that you do not own anything, it's that nothing owns you," sparked my interest in self-reflection and learning to gracefully let go. I began by looking at my belief-system and this led to an epiphany that every time I felt triggered, it was because I was attached to a belief that something or someone "should" be different than what it was. But where had those beliefs come from?

Rarely does one stop to recognize that the mind is made up of rules that didn't originate from within. We go through life, thinking it "should" be this way or that, and this is only because you and I have made up rules in our head that have come from a long line of familial and cultural patterns. Then, the mind searches - not for truth - but for confirmation bias, and cherry picks information to support its views. Fascinating! So how does one begin to look for truth outside of the mind's made-up "reality"? Self-reflection is the key.

Self-reflection is when you are able to objectively analyze your own emotional attachments, thoughts, and beliefs while understanding that the world and people may work differently to how you had previously thought. Now, most people will say that they already do this. Here's something interesting ... recent studies suggest that while a large majority (95%) believe that they are self-aware, only about 10-15% actually are. For true self-reflection to take place, you may need to engage with cognitive dissonance and allow discomfort while entertaining other points of view. While entertaining other points of view, you would also need to hold a space that you may be wrong about your beliefs and, at the very least, that two things can be true at the same time.

In short, letting go is a series of feeling triggered and realizing that it may not be the other person or situation that is the problem - it may just be the way that I am relating to it. So what I began to practice in my own life and world was allowing space for the world to be different than I was taught it "should" be. This led to an open-mindset, acceptance that there is more than one way to live, which then led to happiness and letting go! If you would like more information on navigating triggers, we welcome you to sign up! As always, wishing you great clarity and happiness.