How to Reframe What's Happening

There are so many times in the past where I have wanted things to be different from what they were. I remember growing up, my mother was so unstable that the court system had me emancipate when I was just entering my early tweens. I had a very traumatic and abusive childhood, and this left me without the tools to develop self-love. While other peers were able to have their needs met by their families, I was just struggling to survive and keep it together. It didn't help that I felt like I had to meet impossible standards to be seen, loved, and heard - just to get my basic needs met, and even then it wasn't enough. At times I felt isolated, lonely, and alone.

Experiencing those primitive years in fight-or-flight shaped the way I saw the world, and myself within it. The trauma that I had been through, and my inability to process it properly, took me on a journey of unhealthy relationships and situations, not to mention an interpretation of life that was through an unhealed lens. I realized that I needed guidance and help, so put myself in therapy at the age of 16 years. This began a two decades-long process of learning how to face myself, mitigating the trauma that was trapped in my body, and gently readjusting my lens to see and engage with life in a more positive way! Instead of feeling like life was happening to me, I began to see myself as a real participant!

In effect, I was able to acquire some skills via therapy, reading positive self-help books, and in taking other classes that helped me to view what had happened to me differently. It taught me to embrace my story, and that I get to choose what I do with it. It taught me that even though there are people in life that have harmed me, I am given the option to stop that generational harm and trauma and, instead, I can create. I also learnt that healing is not a one time thing. Healing is a journey, and a part of healing is learning how to develop self-love. It is also where I have learnt to protect my peace, as I am very selective as to who gets access to me now, and my life is more joyful and happier because of this!

While this type of a journey can feel hard, and almost impossible at times, it is at the very core of why I wanted to create the classes here at NeXXus Prime. Training the mind to go from a negative mindset to a positive one feels fake in the beginning. It takes a lot of trial-and-error and patience. You have to view it like a dance, allowing yourself to fumble forward as you learn. Humility, direct honesty with self, and learning that life and people may work differently to how I had previously thought, are all things that were required for me to rewire from negativity to positivity. I realized that at the core, I felt unsafe inside, and this helped me to understand that this was the lens I was bringing to life.

Regardless of where you are starting on this journey, it is possible to change the lens that you look through. Reframing thought patterns takes time, effort, and work, but it's worth it! It becomes easier the more you practice and you begin to catch yourself slipping into old patterns so that you can consciously readjust course. The more awareness you are willing to create around it, the more you notice the patterns that you can consciously change. Here are some things that have helped me along my journey:

1. Make a List of Things that You Find Nourishing for Your Soul

   
   

   The nervous system can get stuck in a functional state of freeze, where you are able to function but a part of you may feel mentally, physically, or emotionally stuck. So, one thing that may help is making a list of activities that you enjoy. Walks in nature, forest bathing, helping others, laughing, a conversation with a friend, dancing, and more can help your nervous system to release some stress that may be stored.

   
   

2. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions (just don't serve them tea)

   
   

   There is a saying: "Feel your emotions, just don't serve them tea." I love this saying. This reminds me that while I am allowed to have my emotions, as everyone does, I want to make sure that I am understanding what emotions I am having and why, instead of buckling down in them. In the past, I used to think that just because I was experiencing an emotion that I was that emotion, and that the emotion was "right". I have since learnt that just because I am experiencing an emotion does not mean that it is "true" (we have some classes on this if you're interested). If you look at the root word for emotion it originates from the Latin word "emovere", meaning to move out, remove, agitate, or stir up. Emotions are there to tell me something. They are messengers. So, whenever I have an emotion, I pause, observe what is coming up, and practice identifying what emotions are there and what they are attached to. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the attachment. In this way, I am able to see where I need to let go.

   
   

3. There is More than One Way

   
   

   There is always more than one way to see things, and just because I feel strongly doesn't make me right. This is an important one in being able to reframe what is happening, and also may feel difficult at first. There are so many ways of living that some suggest there are upwards of 4,200-10,000 belief systems worldwide (according to carrollu.edu and populationeducation.org). At some point, if I am going to become more conscious and happy, I need to recognize that my way of living and believing is not the only way of living and believing. Just because I feel strongly does not make something true, and just because I have other people that may agree with me does not make me right. As I approach life now, I have this in mind with the thought that "everybody is different" and that people are allowed to change their minds, including me! This allows me to relax and open with curiosity when someone expresses thoughts that are different from mine. In turn, this allows me to see where the other person is coming from instead of trying to prove that I am right. It creates a more relaxed, centered approach while allowing myself to entertain another's viewpoint. Aristotle even said: "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

   
   

4. Recognize the Stories You Tell Yourself About the Past

   
   

   Are the stories you tell yourself about the past empowering or limiting? This was a pivotal question along my journey. What if, instead of feeling stuck in the past, you allow yourself to feel empowered by it? What would that look like? When I learnt to reframe the past, I was able to create a new narrative that reflected my current perspective and growth! It also helped me to identify any grudges and resentments that I was holding onto, and I was able to work on releasing them as they came up. Forgiveness isn't about the other person, it is about you being able to move forward in such a way that you love yourself. By practicing this, you allow yourself to move forward by freeing yourself from negative emotions and get into creating the life that you want to live! When you focus on what the experience taught you, it can help open the door to compassion, adaptability, and releasing the loop of victim mindset.

   
   

   No matter what, you are always the creator of your own story, and only you should hold the pen. Make sure that you write your story in such a way that allows you to move forward with grace, empowerment, and love. As always, wishing you great mental clarity and happiness!