The Guide to Good Habits

If you're anything like me, you love a good routine. Predictability, stability, feeling grounded, having a sense of reliability, and a regular routine are just some of the things that can make life feel safe. Having routines helps to create a predictable environment and can contribute to feeling safe and secure. Some habits and routines are good for us, while other habits may contribute negatively to one's wellbeing. Habits can form without you intending to form them. This is the body's way of searching for routine and predictability. We form and develop habits as a part of learned behaviors, and the brain likes this because it is wired to seek efficiency and and automate repeated behaviors. This way, the brain doesn't have to expend more time, effort, and energy into thinking if it doesn't have to.

This may seem obvious, but thinking requires brain power. When one is required to think and incorporate new information, it can fatigue the brain (a.k.a. cognitive fatigue). The more you have to think about doing something, the more energy required. This is why when you are trying to start a new diet, learn a new language, or take a new route home from work, the brain has to work harder. While routines and habits put your brain on autopilot, learning something new or forming a new habit take it off autopilot and engages your pre-frontal cortex (the CEO and decision-maker of the brain). Eventually, if you repeat your new habit long enough, the basal ganglia takes over (specifically the dorsolateral striatum within the basal ganglia) and stores the new information to form this new habit as it becomes ingrained and repeated enough. So how do you break old habits and form new ones?

Breaking old habits begins with understanding your reasons why. Below are some questions that you may want to take the time to write out the answers to when changing a habit:

• Why do you want to break this old habit?

• How is this habit keeping you from the life you want to live?

• How will changing this habit improve your life?

• What does this past habit represent for you?

• Will you miss it?

• What will you do on tough days when you want to give in to this former habit?

• Why are you wanting to change now?

• What is your biggest fear about changing this habit?

• What's different now?

• Do you feel that you have the support that you need to change?

By engaging with the questions above in detail, you allow yourself to understand the driving factors behind the habit that you are trying to change. Then, when you are ready, you can commit to the new you. It will take time, effort, fumbling-forward, and patience with yourself, but changing a bad habit to one that helps you to live a more fulfilling life can be worth it! You don't need to be perfect to get started. Some days will be better than others, and that's okay. The point is to just try. If you snap back, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Make it a fun experience for yourself! Here are some recommendations for forming new habits:

1. Be Specific About Your Goals

   As an example, instead of saying: "I want to be happy", be more specific. "To be more happy I want to prioritize activities that bring me joy, such as ____________." Instead of saying "I want to workout and exercise more" try,"I want to workout for 20 minutes before work in the morning." Be as clear and specific as you can be about your goals. Writing it down helps give you clarity and reveals your reasons why. By being specific about your goals, you begin to pave the way to success by providing clarity, focus, and actionable steps.

2. One Step at a Time

   Break your larger goals into smaller steps for success. This makes your progress and victories more likely. For example, if you would like to eat more healthy, why not swap something for something else? Instead of drinking soda, could you replace it with water, unsweetened tea, Olipop, or infused water (e.g., berries, mint, orange slices, or lemon)? By taking your goal and breaking it into smaller steps, you set yourself up for success!

3. Change Your Self-Talk

   Self-talk either encourages us to keep going, or it discourages us by influencing us to stop. Catch your self-talk and if it's more negative, practice challenging it. The brain can be trained through repetition. When you are breaking an old habit and replacing it with a new one, know that your brain may give you some push-back. This is normal and part of the process, and you are stronger than those old patterns. The brain adapts and changes in response to new experiences and every time you perform the new behavior, your brain becomes stronger toward that habit becoming the norm. Actively catch negative thoughts and change them. "Just because this is new to me doesn't mean I can't do it." "I am learning and I am getting better every day!" "I am capable of achieving my goals." - all of these statements are examples of visualizing success and changing self-talk.

4. Be Consistent

   What separates those that succeed vs. those who do not is consistency. Consistency is showing up for yourself no matter what. When you aim for daily practice of your new habit and routine, you help strengthen those new neural pathways and they become stronger. Consistently showing up for yourself, even when your motivation is low and your emotions are high, builds momentum, determination, and discipline, which is essential for success. Even small actions toward your goals build over time! You don't need to be perfect. You just need to start.

5. Be Flexible in Your Approach

   What happens if you fall back into old patterns? Pick up where you are and try again. Keep moving forward. If I can tell you one thing that's true for myself it's that my perceived failures have taught me more than my successes, and this is because it leads to greater wisdom, adaptability, and finding another way through. It also helps me to understand how to deal with failure. I used to think that failure was separate from life until I understood that failure is a part of my path to learn, be challenged to adapt, and grow through. Failure means that you tried, and that counts!! So, keep going! Be flexible in how you get to your goal, learn humility along the way, be teachable, and you will find another kind of strength inside of you that embodies mastery over self.

6. Monitor Your Progress

   Journaling, using a habit tracker, planner, or notebook help you to monitor your overall progress. Keep it accessible and make it fun! Whenever you reach a goal, use positive reinforcement and reward yourself (e.g., verbal praise, stickers, gift card, watching your favorite show, taking yourself on a date, etc). Using a reward system that is unique to you and fits your needs helps you to stay motivated. It also helps you to identify areas where you may be struggling so that you can adapt for next time.

In summary, forming new habits is done by repeated actions that are reinforced through repetition. There are 3 steps to forming a habit, 1) a cue, 2) a routine, and 3) a reward. To break an old habit, self-reflect with the questions above, identify triggers, and replace it with a new habit that nurtures you instead of drains you. Write down your reasons why you want to break the past habit and go into detail. Set yourself up for success and allow yourself to fumble forward! Break bigger steps into smaller steps, monitor your progress, reward yourself when you reach a goal, and be flexible in your approach - you can do this!

If you would like an accountability partner, or if you would like someone to help you reach your wellness goals, I am here for you! Click on the ensō-flower link below to reach out and we can find some time to work together:

As always, I am wishing you success, clarity, and happiness!