Tips to Let Go

Growing up in a situation that was emotionally, physically, and energetically harmful for me, I had a lot of confusion, resentment, sadness, and core issues that were stuck in my energy. I had no idea how to release the traumas that were locked into my nervous system, and issues of safety and belonging revved up my anxiety as I looked for relief. I ruminated over the past with my memories and thoughts stuck on replay as I tried to break free and find solid ground. Then, I heard the phrase: "Letting go isn't for the other person, it's for you." I had mixed feelings come up when I entertained this idea. I felt that if I let go, it somehow condoned what had happened and let the other person (or people involved) off the hook. I couldn't just let go. I was wronged in more ways than one, and a part of me didn't want to let go of the pain that had been driving me for all of those years.

The above example is one of many that holds one back from moving forward in happiness. People hold on to the pain from the past for many reasons. Some reasons are because we fear that if we let go, it somehow makes our experience or our pain invalid, or perhaps another reason is that past experiences can play a role in shaping one's identity and how they see the world. If a person lets go, who are they now? Moving forward in a healthy way can feel new and frightening, especially if the only thing I have practiced is an unhealthy pattern. So, the brain may vote to keep the mind and habits on repeat because of the familiarity, even if those habits are unhealthy. The brain likes to go toward the familiar over the new (aka Mere Exposure Effect/Familiarity Principle which ties into Cognitive Dissonance).

Furthering this point, the brain has a preference for predictability because it wants to conserve mental energy, and when you are given the choice of developing a new habit, or keeping an old pattern, the brain is in favor of minimizing uncertainty. Therefore, a person will tend to pick what is familiar over the new. This is one reason people stay in unhealthy relationships, jobs, and situations is because the brain does not like unpredictability - it favors familiarity, even if it has negative consequences. So how do you break this cycle? Here are some tips below on how to let go:

1. Begin to Recognize When Your Emotions are Shifting

   By recognizing when your emotions are shifting, you can begin to engage with your nervous system differently. Your nervous system is alive and active, sending you signals and messages when triggered. If you are feeling triggered by something or someone external, it may remind your nervous system of something that has already happened in the past. What emotions are coming up for you?

2. Find Some Time to Write or Journal

   If you are feeling overwhelmed, you might try to sit in a quiet space and journal it out. What you write doesn't necessarily need to make sense, so just let the pen flow and see what comes up and out. Journaling can be a helpful tool in regulating the nervous system and may help relieve stress. By identifying the emotions coming up, journaling can help you to clarify what's trying to come up and out of your energy. It can also improve emotional regulation and help you to organize your thoughts. When you write out how you're feeling, what's coming up for you, and if this ties into anything else from your past experiences (pain, hurt, abandonment issues, vulnerability, sadness, feelings of resentment, anger, or rejection, etc), you allow for clarity of thought.

3. Ask Yourself if You Want to Let Go

   Once you are finished writing it all out, step back and see if your emotions have shifted at all. How have they shifted? Is there more? Would you like to write that out as well? When you are finished writing and you begin to feel a sense of calm, ask yourself if you would like to let it all go now. A part of you may say yes to that, and a part of you may say no. If that's the case, ask yourself why, and try to clarify this as well. The more you clarify it on paper, the more you can organize your emotions and thoughts and get to the bottom of whatever is happening inside of you.

   • If You are Not Ready to Let Go

     If you are not ready to let go, you don't have to. Only you get to decide when you let go. You can always talk to a trusted friend, therapist, licensed mental health professional, or someone that helps you to gain perspective and process emotions.

     
     

4. Ready to Let Go!

   If you are ready to let go, you could crumple up the piece of paper that you wrote on, tear it up, or perform some type of ritual to release and let go of that energy. Then, remove it from your house. The last thing we want is that energy lingering around us. By allowing yourself to acknowledge your feelings about those events, people, places, and situations, you honor your own voice. Acknowledging yourself can happen in many ways, and by taking the time to hear yourself out, you are allowed to decide if you would like to move forward from here so that you can feel a sense of peace, happiness, and purpose.

   Can you forgive yourself for not knowing any better at the time? Can you release the emotional weight of the past by forgiving, letting go, and allowing yourself to move forward from here? Exercise: Imagine that there is a cord that's tying you to that person, those people, or those events. When you have this picture in mind, energetically cut the cord between you and that event. Allow yourself to stay firmly stable as that other person and situation float away and disappear. Do this as many times in a day that you need to.

Remember, letting go is a process and you may need to practice multiple times a day. Releasing energy that's stuck in the meridians and chakras can take time and it can be viewed as a dance. I always remember the saying: "The best investment you'll ever make is yourself!" You are worth the love, time, energy and effort to live life on purpose. Celebrate your small victories, redirect your energy to set new goals, practice self-love, and create a future-vision that aligns with who you are now!

As always, I am rooting for you, wishing you happiness & wellness! If you would like to feel supported in your self-discovery journey, click on the link below to join our classes:

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